They really have so much to teach us. At times when a certain child is telling me an extensive story in which I'm not really paying attention, I think to myself, "Look at them. God is trying to tell you to slow down and just be."
Baby Blues. The privilege of each child. When you reflect about our mere existence and how so many things had to happen just for a person to be born, you KNOW without a doubt God has a plan for each life. Last year, I read a book about World War II. In certain battles, 1000s of men died in just that one battle. If you break it down you will realize that for each of those men that died, so died another generation. My ancestors, my great grandfathers, etc. For all that has happened in history and I am standing here today, is so purposeful.
We call it "Our Pregnancy Wall." I really love looking at each picture to see how our children have changed over the years and with each baby. I love most looking at my belly and smile an now knowing who was within. It is fun to tell the kids what we were doing that day when the photo was taken. We love telling them who we "thought" was in there and what other family members thought. I will treasure these over the years.
Where will these feet go? Where will they take them through this journey called life.
Yesterday, I thought about the gift of money -v- the gift of children. If I won the lottery, Most would think I was the luckiest person in the world. Most of my worries would cease because we are now financial rich. Funny though, that most people who are rich aren't very happy and most people who are open to having children are usually very happy. I don't feel like our children is something we've decided upon. God gave THEM to US and US to THEM. He is in charge of that decision. The freedom it brings to our marriage to always be open to children is PURE freedom no matter how close or how far apart they are. We both know that God makes them not us.
He says, "Before I formed you in the womb, I KNEW you. Before you came to LIFE, I consecrated you." So, when I look at our babies, I think how beautiful it is that they know God. Funny.
If I ever think about our house catching on fire and what would I grab if I had one minute (besides the children), it would be these and our home videos. They are that special to me. Photos are time frozen. We are living the moment and then snap, we froze it forever. I am sure I will go through a period in about ten years where I probably won't be able to look at their childhood pictures because it will be too painful at how fast it all went.
I am so glad I have known that. I am glad God has given me the grace to not see "Endless Days" ahead. I only see the hour glass full of sand and slowly dwindling down to the other side when it will be time for them to fly from our little nest. Sometimes, their smallness doesn't seem real and is rather funny when I really look at how short (literally) they are. A small human walking around our house is very funny some days.
I love my own mother's hands. Her hands are still comforting to me. We do so much for them with our hands. I often wonder what they are noticing, watching, smelling, and absorbing by just being with me. I asked Dominic once what he would remember most about each person in our family. He told me, "I will remember that you always smiled." Melt. I thought it would be a million different things besides this. Another beautiful reminder what is important to them.
So it was you, little Clairvaux. So funny to think that we met you shortly after this. It is a privilege to be your mother and to know all of you.